Are you a working mom who ever feels overwhelmed? 🙋♀️
Many of my clients describe “overwhelm” as the lack of time.
❌ Too much to do and not enough time
❌ Not enough me to go around
❌ Not enough time to do it all
I, too, have felt this way (and there are times I still do if I’m being honest).
But what if I told you overwhelm wasn’t linked to time❓
Overwhelm is a FEELING, your perception of time compared to your “to-do’s”.
For example:
Do you have that mom friend who is just TOTALLY chill and cool…with like anything? Even though they might also have a demanding job or many more kids than you?
Meaning their feathers don’t seem to get ruffled easily. If something doesn’t get turned in or signed up for, it’s “well there’s next time”. They aren’t constantly in a RUSH (even if they ARE late).
Two women can have the exact same situations (i.e. circumstances) and FEEL differently about it.
Like when someone holds a door open (a literal door) for a woman and she thinks it’s a nice gesture while the next woman thinks it’s demeaning.
The actual circumstance wasn’t different (the door being held open), but the interpretation of it was.
And this 👆 difference is because feelings are GENERATED by thoughts.
This concept is all around once you start looking.
💥 It’s in Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People as the “See, Do, Get” cycle.
💥 It’s in Crucial Conversations as the “Path to Action” as your story.
💥 It’s in successful life coach Brooke Castillo’s work as “The Model”.
In the Motherhood Work-Life Success path I teach, and I call this concept the action chain.
➡️ Your actions are driven by your feelings. ➡️ And your FEELINGS are derived from your thoughts.
For example, you open your email after the kids go to bed (even though you KNOW it’s going to wreck your sleep and you REALLY don’t want to…) > that’s the ACTION you take.
Because you FEEL you need to finish up just a couple things. But WHY do you feel this way? (Answer key: Your thoughts).
If you had thoughts such as these 👇, do you think you would still TAKE that action consistently (working after your kids go to bed)?
🤜 I’ve already done enough today - some really good and impactful work
🤜 This is not an emergency - it will be there in the morning
🤜 I can present what I have - I don’t need to polish it - it’s good enough
🤜 I know I will be more clear headed when I tackle this in the morning
🤜 I owe myself good sleep - it’s going to actually HELP me more than doing “one more thing”
🤜I’m good at my job, and I don’t need to work all hours to prove it
So am I are saying you can just magically THINK differently and it will all change❓ Are there also circumstances you can change that may reduce your overwhelm❓
Sure. Hire a house cleaner, work less, find a less “demanding” job, get a better “to-do” system, equalize the housework, make sure you are taking care of your health and sleep….
I don’t disagree that ANY of these COULD help. BUT if you are a high-achiever, some of these probably won’t “feel” good or aligned with what you REALLY want in your life. And ➡️ ➡️ ➡️
It won’t truly solve the problem at the root cause (you will simply find more stuff to do with your “more” time). And your overwhelm will most likely creep back in (because heck, many of our thoughts are deeply programmed and on repeat, whether we are conscious of it or not).
These thoughts will still be there:
👉 I’m not enough (at work, at home, or both)
👉 There’s STILL not enough time for everything that needs to be done
👉 I’m constantly making trade-offs between work and home and it doesn’t feel good
👉 I still feel guilty for not spending enough time with my kids (or with my spouse, or getting my own health into gear).
Thoughts are only changed by recognizing them, choosing an upgraded one, and then purposefully changing that thought pattern from the old to the new when it arises (which takes repetition over time - just like any habit).
Ready to start doing exactly that? (Plus start changing some of those other “circumstances” that can help create a life you feel in control of instead of overwhelmed by)?
Talk to me about the Motherhood Work-Life Success System. 😎
What is 1 thought you have upgraded (or perhaps need to upgrade) that has helped you FEEL less overwhelmed❓